I'm sure the lead-up to Crimbo is some sort of twisted advent calendar, with a complete eejit behind every little perforated door."When I was a very small boy
Very small boys talked to me
Now that we've grown up together
They're afraid of what they see..."
-- New Order, True Faith
All I need do is set out of the house, and the appointed bozo of the day inevitably appears.
Today, I was minding my business, waiting about seventh in the queue for the staffed checkout at BigTwoGrocery, when The Parrot-Beaked Bozo From Allora addressed me directly with some remark about "that commie Albo".
I know the beaky one came from Allora, because he had already left the queue and moved forward five trolleys to holler at the register operator "So this is where they go when they escape from Allora! How are you spending all that ill-gotten money BigTwoGrocery pays you?"
I'd also heard him muttering to the woman accompanying him, and presumably at others, a few remarks with eejit keywords like "elites" and such.
Really, I'd sooner have bruleed my shins with a Bic lighter and an aerosol hairspray than deal with this gronk, but he was right under my nose and hovering.
"That commie Albo is ruining the country."
Colleagues, there was no way I could NOT react. As an attention-getter, Beaky Bozo's opener was right up there alongside "Squirrel Grip With Icy Hand".
"Ha! Commie? Alan Joyce's mate? The bloke who came from government housing and a pension and turned his back on everyone in government housing and on pensions?"
Beaky started up again. "(yadda yadda I came from Newtown too we had it hard murdered in cold blood every night and had to get up before we even went to bed spiel.)"
"Chap, you are standing in a queue with one of the most extreme socialists you ever met in your narrowly-circumscribed life! Albanese is so far to the right of where I stand, he looks like another Liberal."
No sign of comprehension from the psittaccine harangeur.... "And he's destroying Australian values!"
"What are these values, Chap? Where are they written down? Which ones is Albo concentrating on first?"
Next, I think he'd have cried, wet himself, or tried to job me, but his (wife/sister/cousin/maybe some of all these) gave him a withering look, and I could smell the singed hair.
Thank fuck I don't need to shop there for a while, and doubly thank fuck Allora's a decent distance from Toontown.